Have you ever heard or seen something in your classroom and immediately thought you knew what was happening? I have — and I’d bet you have too, no matter what room you’re standing in.
In this article I share a story with you, but also reflections and experience you can learn from, and a valuable resource.
It was the second week of September. I had 24 first graders that year, each of them arriving with their own pace, their own strengths, their own way of showing up to learn. Some were ready to race ahead; others needed more time, more support, more encouragement just to try. As we know, every learner needs something different—whether they’re six years old or twenty-six. Math lab was how we tried to meet that: small groups rotating through stations, each one designed to build a positive learning environment, and each one creating its own climate of collaboration, teamwork, and independent work.
I was at my small-group table with six of them, watching closely as they worked through counting strategies and number sense—the kind of early thinking where one uncaught misconception can shape months of confusion down the road. That’s when I heard it: laughter rippling in from a station across the room. I didn’t even look up before the story had already formed:
They’re off task. They’re not taking this seriously. I need to redirect them.
Half a second. Maybe less.
That’s all it took for my mind to write an entire story—about six-year-olds I’d known for nine school days.
Sound familiar? That flash of certainty, landing before you’ve even turned your head?
Here’s the honest part: the story felt true, at least in that moment. My chest tightened, already prepared to redirect them from across the room.
What I actually observed: laughter. Talking. That’s it. Everything else—they don’t care, they’re being disrespectful—I invented. Because certainty is faster than staying unsure.
So what else could be true?
Maybe they were talking through the problem out loud, the way six-year-olds do. Maybe the laughter was how they were working through something hard. Maybe one of them just needed a beat before diving back in.
Maybe there was a whole world at that station I couldn’t see from across the room—and the only way to find it was to walk over without an answer already in my head
That same quick certainty still shows up for me, in all kinds of rooms. I try to lean into the framework here—and rely on the anchor competency of fostering my own self-reflection, asking the questions the teacher moves invite for this anchor: How might I recognize and manage my emotions in this moment when I feel uncertain and stressed?
Curiosity changes the response.
I’ve thought about this moment a lot over the years. The room has changed—sometimes a classroom, sometimes a conference table, sometimes just me and a team I’m coaching. But that half-second hasn’t changed. I’d guess it’s the same for you, whatever room you’re standing in today: the story forming before you’d even decided to believe it.
I’m Rachel, Director of Transformative Practice and Integration here at CRTWC, and moments like that one are why this piece exists. What follows is what I’ve learned—some from research, some the hard way—about building trust with our students, and with ourselves: through connection, consistency, vulnerability, and yes, catching our own assumptions before they catch us. Day one is just the start.
Building trusting relationships with your students isn’t just one practice among many — it is foundational to everything we do as educators.
At the Center for Reaching & Teaching the Whole Child, we describe Building Trusting Relationships as the practice of building rapport, engaging families, practicing reciprocal vulnerability, and creating a classroom environment where learners feel safe, valued, respected, and supported. When educators understand and integrate a learner’s context into their teaching, they create the conditions for stronger relationships—and stronger learning.
As you begin a new school year, here are some ways you can intentionally make relationships part of your practice as the year gets underway:
Weave Connection and Context Into What You’re Already Teaching
It can be tempting to let curriculum, expectations, and classroom procedures take over the first weeks — and by now, many of you are already well into your teaching. That’s okay. Connection doesn’t require a fresh start; it can be woven into the teaching you’re already doing. Routines and expectations matter, and students are more likely to engage once they also feel connection and belonging.
Take time to learn who your students are—not just as learners, but as people:
- What matters to them?
- What is their context — the lens through which they’re experiencing this classroom? You could start by asking about their family/individual, community, cultural, and socio-political context, alongside their interests, experiences, strengths, and hopes.
- What do they want you to know about them?
- How will you help them learn about one another?
Approach the beginning of the year — wherever you are in it — with curiosity and a willingness to keep learning.
Try this: Build small opportunities for connection into your existing routines — at the beginning of the class. Invite students to share in morning meetings, and connect during peer check-ins and other routines.
Outcome: Establish a pattern of showing students that who they are matters.
Trust Is Built Through Consistency
Trust develops through what we do repeatedly—not simply through what we say. Consistency over time = Trust. As you establish classroom routines, consider:
- Are my expectations clear to students?
- Am I consistent in following through on commitments?
- Do students know what they can expect from me?
- How do I respond when students make mistakes or challenges arise?
- Do my actions communicate care, kindness, and respect?
A trusting classroom doesn’t mean there are no boundaries or difficult conversations. In fact, clear expectations and caring accountability can strengthen trust when students experience them as fair, consistent, and grounded in respect.
Make Room for Vulnerability
Trust is also built when educators are willing to model that they are human. Vulnerability here has boundaries: it’s not about oversharing, but about being real with students—letting them see that learning, growth, mistakes, and reflection are part of being human.
This might look like:
- Acknowledging when you make a mistake
- Apologizing when you’ve gotten something wrong
- Being open to student feedback about their sense of trust and belonging—try anonymous feedback!
These moments can communicate an important message to students: You don’t have to be perfect to belong here.
Try this: When you make a mistake, don’t move past it. Instead, model what it looks like to acknowledge it, take responsibility, and make it right.
Outcome: Normalize mistakes as opportunities for learning rather than sources of shame.
Explore Assumptions & Beliefs
Building trusting relationships also requires us to examine ourselves. Every educator brings assumptions and beliefs into the classroom. Sometimes those assumptions are based on a student’s background, behavior, identity, family, or past experiences.
One way to catch an assumption in the moment is to slow down and walk through it — the same walk-through I shared at the start of this post:
- Notice — What am I actually observing?
- Name — What story am I telling myself about what I see?
- Question — What evidence do I have? What else could be true?
- Respond — How might I respond with curiosity rather than certainty?
Curiosity before conclusion.
Try this: Think of a moment when you made a quick interpretation about a learner in your class. What did you observe? What was your first story? How does that lens shape what you notice and interpret?
Outcome: Foster self-reflection to create more opportunities to see students for who they are rather than through the lens of our expectations.
Give Students Opportunities to Practice Relationships, Too
Trust isn’t something a teacher creates for students. It is something a classroom community builds together.
Give students opportunities to develop relationships with one another through collaboration, peer feedback, conversation, and shared problem-solving.
Try This:
- Explore new routines that foster connection
- Create meaningful opportunities for students to collaborate
- Add structures built to encourage open and honest communication
- Incorporate exercises for students to practice listening to and learning from one another
Outcome: When students experience themselves as valued members of a community, they are more likely to participate, take risks, collaborate, and contribute.
Building trust with students asks a lot of us — and it’s worth naming that we’re doing our own version of this work too.
We’re Learning This Too
The start of the school year is also a time of mixed emotions for us. Some of us return to our roles with excitement, uncertainty, and everything in between. Our students do too—and all of those emotions are welcome. But if we’re honest, welcoming them while we teach is something we’re still learning to do. So what can we do to set ourselves up for success socially, emotionally, and culturally?
So much of this work is a moving target. As educators, we invite you to find small moments throughout the year to work through what we call Developing the Lens:
- Reflect — What went well last year or last semester? What’s one thing you’d change?
- Explore Assumptions and Beliefs — Notice any assumptions or biases you may hold about the content, your students, or the contexts they bring to the learning experience.
- Model — Model the practice in your own classroom.
- Provide Practice — Choose that one thing and practice it.
Our hope is that as you reflect, provide practice, model, and explore your own assumptions and beliefs, you’ll continue developing your own Social, Emotional, and Cultural (SEC) lens—not all at once, but in these small, ongoing moments throughout the year.
Keep Reflecting as the Year Unfolds
This is Developing the Lens in practice: reflecting, providing practice, modeling, and exploring our assumptions isn’t a one-time, first-week-of-school activity. It is an ongoing practice.
Relationships change. Students’ needs change. Classroom dynamics change. And our own understanding of our students continues to evolve.
Want to keep these ideas close at hand throughout the year? Explore our Build Trusting Relationships: Overview & Resources.
